I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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