I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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