I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
