So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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