Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
