I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Your dad touched me again.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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