he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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