We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
