This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
