There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
