Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
