This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
