i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
My balls are so social today.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
ttyl tear gas
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
