that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Someone came in the potted fern
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
