my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
