The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
