im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
