you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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