Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
PANTIES FOUND
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
