well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
