Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Operation Purity has been aborted
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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