We named our party play list daddy issues
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
