Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
