wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize