He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
