I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
