i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
