I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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