You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
