Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
