then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
