I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
