Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We are two peas in an std pod
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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