shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize