As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
