My liver just broke up with me...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
