and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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