I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
