i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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