yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
