So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
