Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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