if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
