apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
