She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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