a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
