Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
