he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
