dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
