im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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