I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize