We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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