i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
