It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He did a backflip because drugs
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