chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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