I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
