I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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