The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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