Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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