Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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