he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Randomize
