smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
