I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
