I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
