He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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