our cab driver is having phone sex.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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