when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
