nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
