So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
