Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
